Fantasy Football

Welcome to my Fantasy Football world!

If you've been faithfully watching all the football games this season, you will have noticed a problem in the game.  The football is dropped too many times. I attribute that problem to the fact that the football is brown. Come on...brown? Half the time I can't see where the quarterback threw the ball, much less who caught it.

And then you have 20 guys heaped in a pile on top of the ball, or at least where they think the ball might be. Apparently they can't find it either. Solution? PINK FOOTBALL! No more fumbling around trying to see the ball, much less catch it - with the pink football the game becomes visible for the players and the fans.

And now for an even bigger problem - the catch. The ball seems to keep slip-sliding away. Why don't they let the guys use baseball mitts? It's much easier to catch the ball with a nice big mitt...

Or how about they give the players spiked gloves? Hey, they could use a little help here. If they won't make the football pink, the least they can do is add a little 'spike' to the game!

Or what about this - make the football with Velcro, and give the receivers Velcro gloves! If they all had a little Velcro in their gloves, they wouldn't be dropping the ball so much. However...it should be mentioned that it would NOT be good to put Velcro in the quarterback's gloves...

And if the sports pros won't do that, then how about giving the guys some style in their gloves? Maybe they won't catch the ball any better, but at least this would put some finesse in the game. (Sure, you don't catch the ball, but you sure look good trying!)

Something else to consider - the helmet. It doesn't seem to offer much protection, what with the opposing team always grabbing at it. How about a spiked hair-do? If their hands can't catch the ball, maybe their hair could?

Another option to consider in the improvement of the game - the shoes. Say a 400 pound player is approaching you...he's not taking you down in these shoes! You'll stay put, even if a 500 mile-an-hour tornado comes whipping down the field.

And last but not least...here's a great idea to 'beef' up the game - demand that every player puts on 500 pounds. I don't know about you, but I'd run silly if I saw this coming toward me...

But let's face it - some guys can only eat so many Twinkies. So how about giving the players their own sumo wresting suits? We all worry when we see a player go down, and 50 guys jump on top of him. With these protective suits, we could just keep laughing and drinking our beer!

 

P.S. Steve from Polar Ball just let me know about this cool game that he invented. Polar Ball is played with Velcro gloves and a Velcro ball. This sounds very cool! Here's some info:

Norky's most favorite game at the North Pole is NORKY POLAR BALL®. It builds motor skills and eye/hand coordination and helps with self-esteem. Recommended by parents and doctors, physical rehab and occupational therapists and P.E. teachers. POLAR BALL was created by Steve Allgeier and also received a US patent and is loved by the special needs industry. You can check out this awesome game at www.polarball.com 

I think someone ought to let the Green Bay Packers know about this, what do you think?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Good:  Look at that handsome cowboy! Now if he only had a Stetson and some boots...

The Bad:  Mark (aka Birthday Boy) got 'roped' into sitting on this saddle at Texas Roadhouse, and yelling at the top of his lungs

"YEE HAW! I WANNA BE A COWBOY!"

The Ugly:  Hey, it could have been worse. They could have wheeled him all over the restaurant. Did I mention...this saddle is on wheels?


What some people won't do to be the center of attention...

Playing Games

So last weekend we were playing a new game with our friends (I don't remember the name of it) where you had to know something about each other in order to win. There were four statements on the cards like this:

Favorite soda
Rainy or cloudy?
Good _____(fill in the blank)
Favorite tree

Now Herbie knows full well that I'm obsessed with palm trees. Everybody knows that. It's a well known fact. If you know me but you don't know I love palm trees, then you're one pie short of a picnic.

So I decide to mess with Herbie. When he asks me what my favorite tree is, I say pine. So he says "Great! That's what I put down for that one."

Whhaaaat???

"Pine tree? What is the matter with you??? You know the answer is palm tree. Are there two wires touching in your head that shouldn't be?"

Yeah. He's a real wacko.

What's your favorite game?

Good News!

My book The Inside Scoop on God is going to be published. It will be in stores in about four months. To God be the Glory!

The Mystery of the Missing Milk Duds

I had a craving for Milk Duds the other night, and you will not believe what happened as a result. Mark had an appointment out of town night before last, and right before he headed out the door I shouted "Get me some Milk Duds!" which made quite an impact on the evening.

Mark gets to his appointment to notarize loan documents at a customer's house. He carefully places the Milk Duds on the dashboard, but sadly, he forgets to lock the car doors. The appointment takes approximately one hour. When he goes back to the car, he notices the glove box is open, the GPS was gone and...THE MILK DUDS ARE MISSING!!! I'm sure the Milk Duds in plain view on the dashboard were too tempting to resist.

The police were called immediately. Then Mark decides to drive down the street and see if he could locate the perpetrators. As luck would have it, there was a police car a few doors down. So he got out of the car and walked over to the policeman. And lo and behold, right there in front of the cop were two young men and a ton of stolen goods spread out before them...including the Milk Duds. So Mark yells

"Hey! Those are my Milk Duds!"

The cop advises Mark to step back as he further investigates. It turns out these two young men have been stealing from this particular neighborhood for quite some time. Even their bikes were stolen.

So Mark, in his frustration over the stolen Milk Duds says to the crooks "So, I see you like Milk Duds." They just gave him the stink eye. By now, two more cop cars had arrived. The boys were handcuffed and put into a squad car.

The policeman asked Mark if he could prove that the GPS was his. He was able to prove it by the addresses he had entered into it earlier that day. The cop handed it to him and said he could go. "What about my Milk Duds?" Mark asked. The cop asked if he had proof that they were his, and thank God he still had the receipt! So Mark says, "Well, hand me the Milk Duds, the wife is waiting for these."

The moral of this true (and unembellished) story is - Properly secure your Milk Duds!!!

Going Green

Going Green...

I'm just loving GREEN lately! Especially lime green. My truck is green, my nails are painted green...








Green M&M's are my favorite!


I love green food too. Limes, avocados, cilantro - if it's green I'll eat it!

I'm re-decorating my living room in green too. I only watch TV shows and commercials with lots of green, and of course, all the books in my bookcase have to be green. So I went to a thrift store to buy every shade of green books that they had. The check out lady smiles smugly and says:

"Someone has a lot of reading to do!"

"Oh, these books aren't for reading," I said.

I hope she was able to sleep that night.

Besides, even if I was going to read them, I'm sure the green ones are so much more interesting than the blue or red ones.

I like my giants green. And what a coinky dinky that my beloved Packers are green too!














As for Brocc-OBama...all I can say is, he looks a lot more fun now.






Apparently even Jesus likes green!

Isn't it time you got your green on?

WINNING! (duh)

Charlie Sheen isn't the only one winning...

Two women in my neighborhood Bible study group were recently healed of cancer! Thank you God!

+500 points

Our dog Otis had a stroke last week.

- 100 points

But I've been laying hands on him everyday and praying for God to heal Him. So far, God seems to be doing just that. Odie is getting better everyday!

+ 200 points

The pizza man delivered one cold pizza last night.
- 25 points

We complained, and got a hot pizza delivered tout de suite!

+ 50 points

I'm thinking of getting a parrot

0 points

or a buffalo for a house pet+ 50 points


(Just added the buffalo, due to so many complaints of the parrot receiving 0 points. My reasoning is...thinking of a parrot isn't the same as actually getting one, so no points. But thinking of a buffalo for a house pet...now that deserves a big score!)

I thought I'd be nice and bring some flowers to a relative who just had surgery. We got into the car, and I placed the rather large vase on the floor, using my legs to hold it.

+ 50 points

On the way to her house, Mark suspiciously had to hit the brakes, and most of that water ended up in my lap.

- 75 points

I'm loving my new coffee mug from San Antonio!

+ 10 points







Our son had baby chicks! Well, he didn't have them, persay, they just sort of hatched. Well you know what I mean.

+ 50 points




Mark's mom gives us all her newspapers after she reads them, so we get them for free.

+ 75 points

In last week's bunch, one of the papers was missing, and really screwed up my genius ability at solving the cryptoquip puzzle, as I had no way to look to the next day for the purpose of cheating. I hollered to Mark "This is not acceptable! If your mom can't straighten out her newspaper duties, I won't be reading any more of her free newspapers!"

- 100 points


Final score .....

I WIN! Duh...